A few months ago, a friend and colleague of mine said:
“Shivani, no one buys conflict. Everyone thinks they’re good at conflict in the same way they think they’re good at receiving feedback.”
It stopped me in my tracks.
She was right, of course — she usually is! — and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.
So why this focus on conflict? Why do I find myself obsessed with conflict and relational skill-building, when we all think we’re so good at it?
Conflict work is culture work.
Let me explain — I believe the way we move through conflict is the way we make culture.
Culture work is social work, relational work, structural work.
“People like us do things like this.”
Who is part of the “us” — and who isn’t?
What are the things we do — and don’t?
How do we do them — and how don’t we?
Each one of these questions can be answered by accident or on purpose.
When we answer them by accident, we stumble our way into friction, tension, conflict.
When we answer them on purpose, we have the opportunity to build something enduring, something visionary, something joyful.
Culture work is identity work. Culture work is legacy work.
Who do we want to be?
And how does this moment in time ask us to be?
